numbers still falling

My hcg was at 499 Monday. Getting better.

slowly getting back to "normal"

My hCG is going down... 1230 today. I go back Monday, again. On the up side of things, I don't think I'll need another shot of poison... and I still have both my tubes. So there's that I guess.

I finished my daughter's halloween costume today, and she's had it on since the moment she got home from school. She's a pink striped cat. Pretty stinkin' cute!

climbing back down

I always have trouble when my hCG is returning back to zero (and yes, it's already on it's way down officially). It's like I've been on some sort of high and now comes the bad crash. I'm cranky, I'm bloated, I'm uncomfortable and worst of all I'm really sad. I feel like I'm walking around with a dark cloud over me.

This time it feels different. I honestly don't know if I can continue to put my body through all this crap. It's the first time I've thought I might be done. Having the ectopic was frightening news... I mean women die from that crap. The hormones and things are bad enough... but now these toxic shots to kills the ectopic? Yikes!

I had a moment Friday evening about 5:30 when the pain was so bad I thought my tube had ruptured and that I had to go to the emergency room. I was unable to walk and my body was shaking uncontrollably from the intense pain. I laid down for about 5 minutes and it got worse, so I went outside (it was raining - for dramatic effect I think) and walked around in the back yard (leaing on my husband for support - literally)for a few minutes and the pain went away rather quickly. I may have passed what was causing the pain. I've never had a kidney stone, but I think it may have felt similar. Anyway, while I was in that pain I was thinking to myself - is this worth it? I thought I was in medical danger, and it was my own doing. Very irresponsible of me.. I mean I have a 6 year old daughter who needs me. So long story short - I'm definitely on a break to at least let my body recover (and hopefully heal my emotional wreck of a mind too), but beyond that, I'm not sure what I'll do. I guess time will tell.

another not so fun day

Methotrexate sucks. The abdominal pain is significant., and I have a high tolerance for pain.

I guess it just solidifies that this was the right decision.

oh well

At least I got to be pregnant for almost a week. I had my ultrasound and bloodwork done this morning and got my methotrexate shot this afternoon. Yep - it was ectopic. My uterus was empty... not even a good lining. My hcg stopped climbing and my progesterone was 3 point
something.

So, it's over. Again.

hurry up and worry!

Well I don't know what to think. I'm having some pretty serious abdominal cramping around the area of my right ovary. I went into the RE's office this morning upset after a night of this cramping. They did a scan and said everything looks fine, but they couldn't see anything in my uterus this early. I have some sort of normal cysts on my ovaries - the ones that send out the progesterone during pregnancy. The nurse thought that could be the source of my cramping.

My beta came back at 1913 today... but the RE is concerned about the cramping and the bleeding so he has me going to a different facility tomorrow morning for a different scan. Apparently it's a "private" imaging place and they have some sort of super-d-duper magic wand that will be able to see what's going on. The RE threw around the words "tubal pregnancy" today like it was nothing.

I guess I just hurry up and wait. (and I'm staying away from looking this up on the Internet tonight.)

a perfectly princess day

Today was my daughter's 6th birthday. She had a princess party with 5 girlfriends from school. Pink, pink and more pink. 6 is a great age... but I've thought that about all the past ages too.

What a wonderful day, what a wonderful daughter.

ok, so

My repeat beta today came back at 397, and my bleeding has stopped. I still have quite a bit of cramping though. I've been down this dreary road before. I'm 18dpIUI, so Dr. Google here I come.

I'm not getting my hopes up. It totally sucks that infertility has taken the joy out of a positive test result. I should be happy about this and I'm terrified.

well...

I went for my beta test today and it came back positive @179. I still have a heavy period, so I'm not hopeful. I feel loss number five coming my way. Crap.

16 isn't so lucky afterall

Well, my period has arrived with a vengence. I've had the symptoms that it was coming for a couple of days, so I wasn't all that surprised this morning. I know I can get my period and still be pregnant, but in my experience, it's never a good thing. I really got my hopes up this time as everything went so smoothly. Ack.

On other notes, yesterday we went to the fall harvest festival at the CSA farm that we belong to, and wow, we had such a great time. Hay rides and pumpkin painting and a great big huge pot-luck lunch. The pot luck was filled with "healthy" type food, YUM!